in which Kivrin revisits 1991 and is Rather Embarrassed

[kivrin]

So, in the summer of 1991, I was thirteen, and after Dances with Wolves I had a bit of a crush on Kevin Costner (which was consistent with my habit of selecting nonfictional crush objects who were still safely unavailable due to being older, married, and/or dead.) So I saw Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves. At the time, I found the photography lacking, but I really, really dug the film, and rented the video several times.

Several weeks ago I Netflix'd it, expecting it to be goofy, but thinking it might be a tonic action-adventure experience. breadandroses and I watched it last night, and, well. I was a very naive thirteen-year-old. I now think the film wasn't much to begin with, and it has aged poorly.

Things I'd remembered:
- the beauty of Mary Stuart Mastrantonio as Maid Marian. The cheekbones!
- Morgan Freeman as a magical Moor.
- Christian Slater (and a badfic-worthy plot twist.)
- Alan Rickman being Alan Rickman as the Sheriff of Nottingham.
- the music (really, really well, because while I haven't seen the film for fifteen-ish years, I have the soundtrack and like to play it on road trips.)

I think the score is still really good. Though breadandroses and I found the sound levels on the DVD really problematic - sometimes the music was overpowering the dialogue, and some scenes were much much louder than others.

The rest of the film... well.

Things I hadn't remembered and/or never realized

- this movie is ridiculous. It takes itself veryvery seriously but it is ridiculous.
- 1991 styles in hair for men were extremely goofy, especially when presented as 1194 styles in hair for men.
- This Robin? Emotionally fifteen, and dumb as a rock.
- This Marian? Despite making her first entrance with a sword, and having a better and more realistic grasp of noblesse obliges than Robin does, her job in the movie is to shriek "ROBIIIIN!".
- Azim (the Morgan Freeman character) represents his character's culture by being not merely a skilled and honorable warrior (with a telescope) but also an obstetrician and a maker of gunpowder. (I had TOTALLY FORGOTTEN the gunpowder, but I think that might have been the whole reason for writing Azim in - to get explosions into the final battle. Moor ex machina?)
- Most of the American actors make occasional, inconsistent attempts to Anglicize their vowels, which is far more embarrassing and distracting to the viewer than watching them simply acting in their own voices. (see also Julia Roberts in Michael Collins. Not doing the accent is MUCH better than doing the accent badly or inconsistently.)
- The Klan, I mean, devil-worshiping cult of nobles led by the sheriff and his scenery-chewing witch. The satanic ritual abuse panic of the 1980s shows up in film in odd ways - Young Sherlock Holmes, for example, also has a random creepy cult.
- GRATUITOUS CELTS. I had COMPLETELY FORGOTTEN the gratuitous Celts.
- I had remembered the Sheriff as actually, y'know, evil and creepy, not a black-clad buffoon who trips over stuff all the time and is repeatedly made especially absurd by being filmed in close-up with a fisheye lens. I'm all in favor of Alan Rickman's nose, really, but I like it being in its usual proportion to the rest of his face, not sticking me in the eye.
- ...if you're going to steal a scene from the original Star Wars trilogy, why would you steal the Ewoks vs Empire battle?
- OH MY GOD THEY GO OVER THE CASTLE WALLS IN A CATAPULT AND LAND IN A CONVENIENT PILE OF HAY. Had I been drinking the last of the Feckin' Irish Whiskey at that point, I would have shot it out my nose.

In short, I do not now understand why this got my 13-year-old self obsessed with Robin Hood (to the point that I Mary Sue'd myself into a heavily Prince of Thieves-based version of the legend.) And I'm glad I didn't buy the dvd, even for $5.

Comments

[mamadar.livejournal.com]

I recall re-watching it and, on seeing Alan Rickman in the white cult robe and mask, yelling, "Look! it's the Death Eaters!"

It really is pretty awful. I agree with the reviewer whose name I can't remember who said he wanted the movie to be about Robin's dad (i.e., BRIAN BLESSED).

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

Ha ha ha ha ha, you are so right! It's AWFUL. Although there are a few scenes I like.

[breadandroses.livejournal.com]

Oh but mocking it was so much fun. I'm still laughing about the catapult.

I think we might have to revisit the Errol Flynn movie for some actual swashbuckling.

[kivrin.livejournal.com]

That sounds good. It's on Netflix instant view!

[mamadar.livejournal.com]

It might also be a good tonic to watch "Robin Hood Daffy". :)

[penwiper26.livejournal.com]

The score is the one with the french horns going heavy on the triplets, right? I like that one.

The only thing I can really remember about the movie is the attempted rape sequence, and the grotesque comedy of AR pushing Marian's ankles apart like recalcitrant gantries. That rather put paid to my enthusiasm.

(IIRC the score to Dances With Wolves was pretty good too -- lots of double-bass undertow. I enjoyed the novel pretty well as well.)

[kivrin.livejournal.com]

The score is the one with the french horns going heavy on the triplets, right?
Yes, that's the one!

Some day I'll watch Dances With Wolves again. Some very, very long winter's day.

[upasaka.livejournal.com]

I will always remember Robin Hood Prince Of Thieves as the first film I saw with a really good score which was completely ruined by a gratuitous pop song during the final credits -- a song which had nothing to do with the rest of the music, or with the film itself, for that matter. It's an alarming trend which seems finally to be dying out, thank god.

[katekat]

if it's any consolation you're not alone - i had fond memories of it too, until the much later rewatch a couple of years age when i realized Marion was such a screaming idiot at the end.... bleh.

[heron-pose.livejournal.com]

Oh, dear. I believe I went with a sib or two, to get out the house during the holidays. And would almost have preferred to have stayed home.

Sorry to your 13-year-old self. I have Costner issues.

::hugs::