Tonight I'm dining at Badger House, home of the intrepid homeowners and and their charming cohort of housemates, human and feline. I hear beets may play a large role in the menu; I'm glad I'm wearing beet-compatible colors today, so I don't have to worry much about permanent repercussions should I find myself wearing the borscht. After the ceremonial tasting of the first batch of Badger Brew beer, I've decided that it's only prudent to be prepared.
You see, the Badgers made beer. I wasn't there for the actual beer-making, but I was there for the bottling, which involved boiling lots of old beer bottles. This involved first getting the bottles to sink in the Massive Pot - something that is not as easy as it sounds, especially when the Massive Pot becomes full of bottles and offers less room to tilt the bottles around in order to get out all the air. Then, after all the water in the Massive Pot had boiled, the bottles had to be extracted, ideally without burning any badgers in the process. A spoon that had been maimed in a tragic blender accident proved useful in this endeavor. (The spoon lost a slice from the middle of the bowl, making it a giant wooden spork.) I worked out a fairly, well, workable system of grabbing the body of a bottle with canning tongs and sticking a prong of the spork into the mouth. This offered pretty good control.
Anyway. We bottled the beer. The beer aged for ten days. And then, at a ceremonial gathering on the multicolored porch of Badger House, the beer was opened.
Now, I've never actually opened a bottle of champagne, or seen one opened, but in the movies it always foams everywhere. Well, that's more or less what happened with the Badger Brew. Someone dubbed it 'Exploding Badger' because, well, it was. If you opened a bottle, you had to be ready to slurp. This led to everyone present wearing a fair bit of fresh beer, and to some minor trauma to the newly trash-picked carpet spread on the porch floor.
It's not that I expect the borscht to foam. It just would be funny if it did.
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