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[This is a rant long in the writing, but I've reached the point at which I'm just not going to tweak it anymore. This is a journal in the daily-or-not-quite scrawlings sense, dashitall, not a journal in the publication sense. General caveats - this is my humble opinion, I'm a slavering Qui-Gon devotee, and... well, I guess that's it. On to the Q/O fandom heresy.]
Hello, my name is Kivrin, and I don't like the Letters universe.
That's a bit of a generalization - I did enjoy the original Letters: An Epistolary Romance for a variety of reasons, including the form and the original characters. I especially liked the development of Jess Lashar from a thorn in Obi-Wan's professional flesh to a good friend (and eventual lover, in the Foursome subuniverse.) What I don't like is the Q/O relationship and the way Obi-Wan treats his bondmate. The things I dislike have only intensified as the series has progressed.
A whole lot of very bad things happen to the boys in this universe. Not surprising; fanfic of all fandoms tends to be bursting at the seams with painful events, which in my hurt/comfortaholic mind is no bad thing. The Bad Thing isn't even that Obi-Wan is the usual hurtee and Qui-Gon the usual comforter. That irks me, but again, it's par for the course - in many slashdoms, the smaller partner seems to assume a disproportionate amount of the hurtee duties. Obi-Wan gets hurt more than Qui-Gon, Blair gets hurt more than Jim, Paris gets hurt more than Chakotay... the list goes on.
No, the thing that gets my proverbial knickers in a twist and leads to me stalking around my apartment muttering is Obi-Wan's total self-absorbtion whenever anything happens to him as well as on those occasions when Qui-Gon's in trouble. Not to mentions the way that Qui-Gon feeds into it with an Obi-fixation that approaches the clinically unbalanced.
The most frustrating thing is that the problem is not exactly one of poor writing or poor character work, as the same events could form part of an intensely satisfying character arc for Qui-Gon. The problem, for me, is that the writers don't seem to see it that way.
Letters Obi-Wan complains on many occasions that Letters Qui-Gon fails to alter old habits of treating him (Obi-Wan) like a subordinate rather than a full-fledged Jedi. This may be - I don't especially see it, but that's hardly conclusive. What I do see Qui-Gon doing is indulging what could be another old habit from Obi-Wan's apprenticeship, one that threatens to be just as damaging to their relationship and to himself. He's unwilling to show weakness or negative emotion; he fails to trust Obi-Wan with his feelings. Many, many times, when Obi-Wan expresses concern over something Qui-Gon has suffered, Qui-Gon immediately turns the conversation back to focus on Obi-Wan.
In Interlude 19 of An Epistolary Romance, for example, the pair discovers that a Sith has forced a bond with Qui-Gon's mind. Obi-Wan severs it, freeing Qui-Gon of the dark taint but causing terrible pain that sends Qui-Gon into shock. Several hours later, he wakes up in Obi-Wan's arms, and they have this telepathic exchange (telepathy indicated by []):
{Obi-Wan said}[How are you?]
[I feel like I should feel worse than I do.]
He smiled. [Then recovery is well underway.]
[And you? How are you doing?]
[As well as can be expected.] He sent a mental image of a shrug along
the bond, not wanting to move and disturb Ani again.
[I had the easy part, I only had to endure. You had to inflict.]
Qui-Gon is unwilling to acknowledge or discuss the pain that he has suffered, preferring to focus on Obi-Wan's suffering. He's being a Good Parent, focusing on his 'child's' needs and trying to protect the 'child' from worry. (Whether or not that's feasible or in fact beneficial to a child is a can of worms I'm going to walk right past here.) A Good Parent, but not a very good bondmate. Instead of treating Obi-Wan as a functional adult, he's continuing to treat him as an apprentice who needs to be guided and protected and to see Qui-Gon strong.
This tendency of Qui-Gon's becomes more obvious as the series wears on, and Obi-Wan (perhaps unconsciously) plays into it. It becomes much more striking after the infamous 'suicide attempt' in Foursome 7.
Qui-Gon is injured while doing a training exercise with Anakin, whose unusual ability causes an uncontrolled buildup of Force-energy. Qui-Gon tries to channel it, but the resulting backlash leaves him unconscious and blind - both physically and to the Force.
Following the accident, Qui-Gon feels that, without his Forcesense, he has nothing to offer his bondmate(s) and will eventually drag everyone around him into a black pit of oppression. That his worth as a person is totally based on his being strong and in-charge, and that no one will be able to tolerate him as a dependent. In that episode, I found the precise order of events hugely significant. Qui-Gon feels dismal about his future as a Force-blind person whose only useful skills are largely Force-dependent, wonders how long his bondmates can carry his weight without buckling under it, and thinks that perhaps it might be better for all concerned if he just died before it got that point. Obi-Wan picks up that thought, yells at Qui-Gon about it, and runs from the room. And at that moment, Qui-Gon lets himself fall into the Forceless void in his mind because (I think) Obi-Wan's flight seems to Qui to confirm the fear that no one, not even his bondmate, can handle him being less that strong and less than content. It is Qui-Gon's fear of being a burden that precipitates what has been called a 'suicide attempt' in discussions of the story, but what I see as a more passive giving-up.
In the ForceAndSightBlind!Qui-Gon arc, it's striking that the big issues for the other characters are not how-can-we-help-Qui-Gon or even God-this-is-so-scary-he's-never-been-needy-before-whaddowedo?, but how-could-he-hurt-us-like-this? Rilka, the only non-Jedi character, even guilt-trips him about being sad over losing an ability that she's never had. No-one ever tries to find out what Qui-Gon was thinking at the time of the 'suicide attempt,' or seems to consider the fact that depression might be a symptom of his injuries. His despair appears as an injury to Obi-Wan and Rilka and Jess, not as part of his own at-that-moment fragile physical and mental health.
Another major event in this universe is the infamous Collar Incident, found in War Chronicles: Third Salvo. After a mission with young Anakin in which Obi-Wan was injured and Qui-Gon took control of getting the three of them out, Obi-Wan feels that Qui-Gon is reverting to old master-apprentice habits and treating him (Obi-Wan) like an inferior - an incompetent inferior - and always tries to control everything around him. No instances other than the mission are shown, only a paragraph from Obi-Wan's diary in which he states that he feels belittled and has tried to talk to Qui-Gon about it but doesn't seem to be getting through.
Now, Qui-fanatic that I am, I can still admit that it's perfectly possible that Qui-Gon could fall into old habits of taking charge of Obi-Wan. But I see this episode as being connected to the burden issue - Qui-Gon has the habit of not sharing things that are bothering him, of keeping his own worries and concerns from Obi-Wan, as well as the habit of taking the lead in any joint missions.
On at least one occasion, Obi-Wan does call Qui-Gon on keeping his emotions bottled up, but the result is far from salutary to their relationship. When the Rebellion Missives arc begins, Qui-Gon has just awakened from a six-year coma caused by an encounter with a dark power which outright killed every other Jedi who attempted to oppose it. This, understandably, leads to Issues for every major character. In Rebellion Missives 3, Obi-Wan comes to join Qui-Gon while he is meditating and encourages him to express his negative emotions about the coma situation:
"And you think I should rant. Or scream." {Qui-Gon said.}
"I think you have a lot of built up frustration and I'd rather you took it out on innocent walls that letting it eat away at you, or losing you to your anger in a battle."
< snip >
"I feel cheated... I'll never know exactly what I lost."
"No, you can't just like I'll never know what it was like to make love to you as a padawan."
"You put it that way and it makes me look like I'm being unreasonable. Wanting too much."
Obi-Wan held up his hands and mimed closing his mouth.
Qui-Gon sighed and stopped pacing. "Maybe I am. But-"
"But it is how you feel. Cheated. You are far from being the only one."
"I know." He knelt down in front of Obi-Wan and reached for his hands. "It was harder for you."
Aaaaand he's off on the familar path of turning attention away from any possible struggle he has and onto Obi-Wan's suffering. But wait, a few lines later, it gets worse.
"I want [that lost time] back." The softly spoken words were out before [Qui-Gon] really thought about them.
"No you don't. If you did you would have. You don't want it. You wanted it all to go away."
"I didn't - not like that."
"Obi-Wan pulled away his hands and gave him a cold look. "Yes, you did. It was easier to sleep and let someone else handle it. Admit it."
The accusation hurt. "You think I ran away? That I chose not to wake up?"
"I think that you are pitying yourself, not angry. You want sympathy. You missed all the pain and you're angry about it. That's just insane."
Okay, what happened to 'you've got a lot of anger that needs to be released?' I feel like Obi-Wan lured Qui-Gon into being honest about his feelings, and then slammed him for it. And damn but that makes me mad. It's so fucking cruel. And Qui-Gon takes such care of him and loves him so much and just keeps getting stomped... it's Oscar and Bosie in Wilde all over again. (I can't say anything about the actual historical personages, but in the movie... poor Stephen Fry is screwed over by pretty but mean and selfish Jude Law.)
Moving on a little further...
[I am Obi-Wan Kenobi, Jedi Knight, Commander of the Jedi Fleet, and lifemate to Master Qui-Gon Jinn. That is enough of a burden and miracle making for any person in one lifetime.]
[And the last I am sure is more of a burden than the first two combined.] He gently pulled Obi-Wan closer to him. [And you think I am adding to it?]
[No, but I think your role in this coming confrontation with the Emperor is different from the one laid out for me.] The lean body in his arms stay tense, unyielding. [What you see as something that needs to be fixed I see as a situation out of balance. One
that needs to be realigned.]
[Is that so different?]
[I refuse to argue semantics with you.]
[I don't want to argue with you at all. I'm sorry if I-]
[Then don't ever refer to yourself as a burden again. I find it abhorrent.]
He grimaced. Bad choice of words. [All right. I only meant that you had to take care of me for so long...]
[Apparently neither of us is ready for this conversation. Shall we move on to something else?] Still unbending, Obi-Wan looked at him patiently.
Oh-fucking-kay. Here Obi-Wan realizes what I figured out in about paragraph two -- he's in no shape to facilitate Qui-Gon's ranting -- but he shifts some of the blame onto Qui-Gon. Who accepts it and tries his darndest to do what Obi-Wan wants, just as he did when Obi-Wan ambled in and said, 'Hey! I think you should rant!' In sum, Obi-Wan demands that Qui-Gon do what he (OW) is patently incapable of doing -- turn his emotions on and off like a faucet. Now be angry. No, you can't be angry. Don't even think about being angry until I say it's time.
I see this conversation (an aborted rant by Qui-Gon turning into a harangue/rant by Obi-Wan) as reinforcing that fear which precipitated Qui-Gon's near-death in Foursome. Obi-Wan offers to listen to Qui-Gon's feelings, but it quickly becomes clear that Obi-Wan can't handle Qui-Gon needy. He needs Jinn to straighten up and fly right to help him. Worst of all, by rejecting Qui-Gon's appropriation of the description 'burden' to himself, Obi-Wan effectively shuts the door to Qui's being able to discuss the fear of burdensome-ness with him. Qui-Gon backs off so fast he doesn't even point out that Obi-Wan had listed being his lifemate as one of several 'burdens.' The bad word choice that Obi-Wan doesn't like was OBI-WAN's first.
By this point, my blood pressure is rising by leaps and bounds. Obnoxious little grumble grumble hurt my Master Qui-Gon grumble grumble castrate you with a spork grumble grumble why doesn't he dump your sorry ass grumble soul-bond grumble curse curse.
There hasn't been any addition to the chronicles of the Letters universe for some time, and perhaps there won't be, but from my perhaps unique perspective it is not encouraging that the latest offering was an account of Obi-Wan's thoughts and feelings during the coma period. Still no hope for any progress on, or even overt acknowledgement of, Qui-Gon's burden issues and the problems that poses for the relationship.
In the words of Robertson Davies... And that, Headmaster, is all I have to tell you.
Hello, my name is Kivrin, and I don't like the Letters universe.
That's a bit of a generalization - I did enjoy the original Letters: An Epistolary Romance for a variety of reasons, including the form and the original characters. I especially liked the development of Jess Lashar from a thorn in Obi-Wan's professional flesh to a good friend (and eventual lover, in the Foursome subuniverse.) What I don't like is the Q/O relationship and the way Obi-Wan treats his bondmate. The things I dislike have only intensified as the series has progressed.
A whole lot of very bad things happen to the boys in this universe. Not surprising; fanfic of all fandoms tends to be bursting at the seams with painful events, which in my hurt/comfortaholic mind is no bad thing. The Bad Thing isn't even that Obi-Wan is the usual hurtee and Qui-Gon the usual comforter. That irks me, but again, it's par for the course - in many slashdoms, the smaller partner seems to assume a disproportionate amount of the hurtee duties. Obi-Wan gets hurt more than Qui-Gon, Blair gets hurt more than Jim, Paris gets hurt more than Chakotay... the list goes on.
No, the thing that gets my proverbial knickers in a twist and leads to me stalking around my apartment muttering is Obi-Wan's total self-absorbtion whenever anything happens to him as well as on those occasions when Qui-Gon's in trouble. Not to mentions the way that Qui-Gon feeds into it with an Obi-fixation that approaches the clinically unbalanced.
The most frustrating thing is that the problem is not exactly one of poor writing or poor character work, as the same events could form part of an intensely satisfying character arc for Qui-Gon. The problem, for me, is that the writers don't seem to see it that way.
Letters Obi-Wan complains on many occasions that Letters Qui-Gon fails to alter old habits of treating him (Obi-Wan) like a subordinate rather than a full-fledged Jedi. This may be - I don't especially see it, but that's hardly conclusive. What I do see Qui-Gon doing is indulging what could be another old habit from Obi-Wan's apprenticeship, one that threatens to be just as damaging to their relationship and to himself. He's unwilling to show weakness or negative emotion; he fails to trust Obi-Wan with his feelings. Many, many times, when Obi-Wan expresses concern over something Qui-Gon has suffered, Qui-Gon immediately turns the conversation back to focus on Obi-Wan.
In Interlude 19 of An Epistolary Romance, for example, the pair discovers that a Sith has forced a bond with Qui-Gon's mind. Obi-Wan severs it, freeing Qui-Gon of the dark taint but causing terrible pain that sends Qui-Gon into shock. Several hours later, he wakes up in Obi-Wan's arms, and they have this telepathic exchange (telepathy indicated by []):
{Obi-Wan said}[How are you?]
[I feel like I should feel worse than I do.]
He smiled. [Then recovery is well underway.]
[And you? How are you doing?]
[As well as can be expected.] He sent a mental image of a shrug along
the bond, not wanting to move and disturb Ani again.
[I had the easy part, I only had to endure. You had to inflict.]
Qui-Gon is unwilling to acknowledge or discuss the pain that he has suffered, preferring to focus on Obi-Wan's suffering. He's being a Good Parent, focusing on his 'child's' needs and trying to protect the 'child' from worry. (Whether or not that's feasible or in fact beneficial to a child is a can of worms I'm going to walk right past here.) A Good Parent, but not a very good bondmate. Instead of treating Obi-Wan as a functional adult, he's continuing to treat him as an apprentice who needs to be guided and protected and to see Qui-Gon strong.
This tendency of Qui-Gon's becomes more obvious as the series wears on, and Obi-Wan (perhaps unconsciously) plays into it. It becomes much more striking after the infamous 'suicide attempt' in Foursome 7.
Qui-Gon is injured while doing a training exercise with Anakin, whose unusual ability causes an uncontrolled buildup of Force-energy. Qui-Gon tries to channel it, but the resulting backlash leaves him unconscious and blind - both physically and to the Force.
Following the accident, Qui-Gon feels that, without his Forcesense, he has nothing to offer his bondmate(s) and will eventually drag everyone around him into a black pit of oppression. That his worth as a person is totally based on his being strong and in-charge, and that no one will be able to tolerate him as a dependent. In that episode, I found the precise order of events hugely significant. Qui-Gon feels dismal about his future as a Force-blind person whose only useful skills are largely Force-dependent, wonders how long his bondmates can carry his weight without buckling under it, and thinks that perhaps it might be better for all concerned if he just died before it got that point. Obi-Wan picks up that thought, yells at Qui-Gon about it, and runs from the room. And at that moment, Qui-Gon lets himself fall into the Forceless void in his mind because (I think) Obi-Wan's flight seems to Qui to confirm the fear that no one, not even his bondmate, can handle him being less that strong and less than content. It is Qui-Gon's fear of being a burden that precipitates what has been called a 'suicide attempt' in discussions of the story, but what I see as a more passive giving-up.
In the ForceAndSightBlind!Qui-Gon arc, it's striking that the big issues for the other characters are not how-can-we-help-Qui-Gon or even God-this-is-so-scary-he's-never-been-needy-before-whaddowedo?, but how-could-he-hurt-us-like-this? Rilka, the only non-Jedi character, even guilt-trips him about being sad over losing an ability that she's never had. No-one ever tries to find out what Qui-Gon was thinking at the time of the 'suicide attempt,' or seems to consider the fact that depression might be a symptom of his injuries. His despair appears as an injury to Obi-Wan and Rilka and Jess, not as part of his own at-that-moment fragile physical and mental health.
Another major event in this universe is the infamous Collar Incident, found in War Chronicles: Third Salvo. After a mission with young Anakin in which Obi-Wan was injured and Qui-Gon took control of getting the three of them out, Obi-Wan feels that Qui-Gon is reverting to old master-apprentice habits and treating him (Obi-Wan) like an inferior - an incompetent inferior - and always tries to control everything around him. No instances other than the mission are shown, only a paragraph from Obi-Wan's diary in which he states that he feels belittled and has tried to talk to Qui-Gon about it but doesn't seem to be getting through.
Now, Qui-fanatic that I am, I can still admit that it's perfectly possible that Qui-Gon could fall into old habits of taking charge of Obi-Wan. But I see this episode as being connected to the burden issue - Qui-Gon has the habit of not sharing things that are bothering him, of keeping his own worries and concerns from Obi-Wan, as well as the habit of taking the lead in any joint missions.
On at least one occasion, Obi-Wan does call Qui-Gon on keeping his emotions bottled up, but the result is far from salutary to their relationship. When the Rebellion Missives arc begins, Qui-Gon has just awakened from a six-year coma caused by an encounter with a dark power which outright killed every other Jedi who attempted to oppose it. This, understandably, leads to Issues for every major character. In Rebellion Missives 3, Obi-Wan comes to join Qui-Gon while he is meditating and encourages him to express his negative emotions about the coma situation:
"And you think I should rant. Or scream." {Qui-Gon said.}
"I think you have a lot of built up frustration and I'd rather you took it out on innocent walls that letting it eat away at you, or losing you to your anger in a battle."
< snip >
"I feel cheated... I'll never know exactly what I lost."
"No, you can't just like I'll never know what it was like to make love to you as a padawan."
"You put it that way and it makes me look like I'm being unreasonable. Wanting too much."
Obi-Wan held up his hands and mimed closing his mouth.
Qui-Gon sighed and stopped pacing. "Maybe I am. But-"
"But it is how you feel. Cheated. You are far from being the only one."
"I know." He knelt down in front of Obi-Wan and reached for his hands. "It was harder for you."
Aaaaand he's off on the familar path of turning attention away from any possible struggle he has and onto Obi-Wan's suffering. But wait, a few lines later, it gets worse.
"I want [that lost time] back." The softly spoken words were out before [Qui-Gon] really thought about them.
"No you don't. If you did you would have. You don't want it. You wanted it all to go away."
"I didn't - not like that."
"Obi-Wan pulled away his hands and gave him a cold look. "Yes, you did. It was easier to sleep and let someone else handle it. Admit it."
The accusation hurt. "You think I ran away? That I chose not to wake up?"
"I think that you are pitying yourself, not angry. You want sympathy. You missed all the pain and you're angry about it. That's just insane."
Okay, what happened to 'you've got a lot of anger that needs to be released?' I feel like Obi-Wan lured Qui-Gon into being honest about his feelings, and then slammed him for it. And damn but that makes me mad. It's so fucking cruel. And Qui-Gon takes such care of him and loves him so much and just keeps getting stomped... it's Oscar and Bosie in Wilde all over again. (I can't say anything about the actual historical personages, but in the movie... poor Stephen Fry is screwed over by pretty but mean and selfish Jude Law.)
Moving on a little further...
[I am Obi-Wan Kenobi, Jedi Knight, Commander of the Jedi Fleet, and lifemate to Master Qui-Gon Jinn. That is enough of a burden and miracle making for any person in one lifetime.]
[And the last I am sure is more of a burden than the first two combined.] He gently pulled Obi-Wan closer to him. [And you think I am adding to it?]
[No, but I think your role in this coming confrontation with the Emperor is different from the one laid out for me.] The lean body in his arms stay tense, unyielding. [What you see as something that needs to be fixed I see as a situation out of balance. One
that needs to be realigned.]
[Is that so different?]
[I refuse to argue semantics with you.]
[I don't want to argue with you at all. I'm sorry if I-]
[Then don't ever refer to yourself as a burden again. I find it abhorrent.]
He grimaced. Bad choice of words. [All right. I only meant that you had to take care of me for so long...]
[Apparently neither of us is ready for this conversation. Shall we move on to something else?] Still unbending, Obi-Wan looked at him patiently.
Oh-fucking-kay. Here Obi-Wan realizes what I figured out in about paragraph two -- he's in no shape to facilitate Qui-Gon's ranting -- but he shifts some of the blame onto Qui-Gon. Who accepts it and tries his darndest to do what Obi-Wan wants, just as he did when Obi-Wan ambled in and said, 'Hey! I think you should rant!' In sum, Obi-Wan demands that Qui-Gon do what he (OW) is patently incapable of doing -- turn his emotions on and off like a faucet. Now be angry. No, you can't be angry. Don't even think about being angry until I say it's time.
I see this conversation (an aborted rant by Qui-Gon turning into a harangue/rant by Obi-Wan) as reinforcing that fear which precipitated Qui-Gon's near-death in Foursome. Obi-Wan offers to listen to Qui-Gon's feelings, but it quickly becomes clear that Obi-Wan can't handle Qui-Gon needy. He needs Jinn to straighten up and fly right to help him. Worst of all, by rejecting Qui-Gon's appropriation of the description 'burden' to himself, Obi-Wan effectively shuts the door to Qui's being able to discuss the fear of burdensome-ness with him. Qui-Gon backs off so fast he doesn't even point out that Obi-Wan had listed being his lifemate as one of several 'burdens.' The bad word choice that Obi-Wan doesn't like was OBI-WAN's first.
By this point, my blood pressure is rising by leaps and bounds. Obnoxious little grumble grumble hurt my Master Qui-Gon grumble grumble castrate you with a spork grumble grumble why doesn't he dump your sorry ass grumble soul-bond grumble curse curse.
There hasn't been any addition to the chronicles of the Letters universe for some time, and perhaps there won't be, but from my perhaps unique perspective it is not encouraging that the latest offering was an account of Obi-Wan's thoughts and feelings during the coma period. Still no hope for any progress on, or even overt acknowledgement of, Qui-Gon's burden issues and the problems that poses for the relationship.
In the words of Robertson Davies... And that, Headmaster, is all I have to tell you.
