Can't get enough

See
which Greek Goddess you are.

Saw this on someone's page - she was also Hestia - and I thought, "Gee, I bet I'd be Hestia if I took that test." And I did. And (obviously) I was. And I am tempted to go off into extended musings on marriage or lack thereof, but it is time that I tried to go to bed.

More procrastination

In the form of random babble.

Recently the perennial 'Is Qui-Gon A Bastard' question came up on MA, and as usual the majority of expressed opinion supported the pro position. Eshva (who has a lovely website here) made a noble effort to start a conversation about Obi-Wan's flaws, but the thread rapidly devolved into recommendations of Bastard!Qui stories, each one heralded as an antidote to the oodles of Saint!Qui stories that clog the 'net. At least, that's the impression I got.

Call me a besotted Qui-slut (actually, don't bother, I already did), but I'm with Eshva on this. I feel like the Saint!Obi fic outweighs the Saint!Qui fic in the same way that Hurt!Obi outweighs Hurt!Qui. Which is by several tons. (See this article by Alias Sio at The Fanfic Symposium)

And I just don't *get* Bastard!Qui. Again, besotted Qui-slut, but I. Do. Not. Didn't see the infamous Council scene as a huge betrayal, but as an indication of how determined Qui-Gon is to see Anakin trained. He didn't talk to Obi-Wan about it beforehand because he wasn't *planning* on it -- he really thought the council would accept Ani for training. Look at his face and his body language when Mace says 'No.' He radiates shock and indignation. Taking Ani as his apprentice is a move of desperation.

Now, whether that desperation is pigheaded, arrogant selfishness or faithful service to the will of the Force as he understands it is another question. I favor the faithful service interpretation myself. What does Qui-Gon personally have to gain by going against the council? Does it gain him points in some unseen coterie of rebellious Jedi? Does he collect small children to arrange in his quarters like living Hummel figurines? If Anakin's *not* the Chosen One, if he's *not* special, if he *shouldn't* really be trained, what does Qui-Gon have to gain by ignoring that fact? And if Jinn's obsessively concerned with not losing face, shouldn't he drop the kid as fast as possible when it looks like things aren't going to work out, rather than tying himself ever more firmly to him?

Now I'm wandering off on another tack, though. Maybe Qui-Gon comes in for such abuse because many people don't think faithful-adherence-to-the-Will-of-the-Force is any better, or indeed any different, from willful pigheadedness. Which is a good point, and actually one I wrestle with on a regular basis - how do I know when it is Good to follow my heart and when it is Good to do something I don't want to do? Sometimes, things I don't want to do are Good -- obvious examples would be going to see medical professionals at appropriate intervals, but going to college a long way from home also applies. I didn't want to be far away, but the school I liked best was, and I thought it might be good for me to have some distance from the family. And it was. But I didn't really *want* to do it.

And when one gets into the realm of religion, it gets even harder. Assuming the existence of [a] power[s] beyond immediate perception, how to determine which one[s] to align oneself with? Should I believe what feels right and just to me is Right and Just by eternal, supra-human reckoning? Or my ideas of rightness and justice flawed because I'm a limited human? Can I decide 'I don't want to believe in a God who wouldn't want me to read slash' or do I not have any choice? Doesn't that God exist whether I believe or not? Doesn't a God who wouldn't want me NOT to read slash exist whether I believe or not? So isn't my liking it or not immaterial, if we assume some objective reality of deity(ies)?

I have got to go have some breakfast.

Yes

I know the watched pot never boils. Yet I can't stop checking my favorite sites and LJs for updates.

Every few hours.

These two days 'cleared for research' continue to become bigger and bigger jokes. I now have just about enough time to have another minimeal, get my stuff together, and go up to campus to see my therapist and then meet my class for our field trip.

Note to self: GET! OFF! LINE!